But is it true?
When I saw this recent rant from the fake Steve Jobs, I was on the floor laughing. And then I thought…what if you changed a few words…
It’s not just [insert favorite megabank here] and [generic bulge bracket securities house] that are out of touch. Look at the management team at [large universal bank]. Look at the [giant financial conglomerate] board of directors. Do these people scare the living shit out of you? They sure scare the hell out of me. They’re all buffed and polished and about a hundred and fourteen years old. They look like cadavers who’ve been done up by the world’s best funeral home makeup artist. A lot of them are just [giant financial conglomerate] lifers who did time in [correspondent banking] and then [life insurance] and then somehow got dropped into the [markets division].
Here’s what I tell them. Friends, you run a [capital markets business]. Now let’s think about this. What the fuck is a [capital markets business]? It’s a system of [sales people] designed to help [distribute securities and financial derivatives] across the wide continents of America [and Europe and Asia] [through regulated channels] and into [savings accounts & funds] owned by millions of people. In essence, you are in the distribution business. In the second half of the twentieth century you had the great good fortune to be granted a kind of limited monopoly over the distribution of a very valuable commodity. [] There were way more [companies and projects in need of capital] than there were [investment banks] to [sell their securities]. So you sat there with your choke-hold on the garden hose, controlling the flow of [capital] and getting fatter and fatter and fatter.
It was a wonderful system. For you anyway. Except that it had one huge flaw. Which is that for you guys, the middlemen, to get rich, you needed to fuck over the people at both ends of the value chain — the consumers who had no choice in what they [invested in] and spent years being fed mountains of dog shit, and the [entrepreneurs and businesses] who were at your mercy and had to negotiate with this tiny number of [banks] who operated, let’s be honest here, as a kind of cartel.
It’s over now. Your business model was a historical anomaly built on scarcity of a valuable resource and the willingness of a small group of [banks] to not slit each other’s throats and to collaborate in exploiting the [clients]. Sort of like the Five Families in New York. Wars are bad for business.
…ok, ok, its a bit rough…anyhow made me chuckle. Only problem is, I can’t figure out who is Apple?
